It was an off night for fashion, in my opinion. Too many red gowns. Not enough bling. And most of the looks could have been plucked off the Drag Race runway, not that I’m complaining, but you KNOW I’m right. Let’s review.
Scarlett Johansson‘s emerald Versace gown with the Drag 101 collar. It’s VERY Celine Dion, isn’t it? By way of Cher in her Bob Mackie days. I loved it, even though the critics uniformly LOATHED it.
I could definitely see Latrice Royale sporting it.
Lupita Nyongo‘s Calvin Klein pearl madness sort of smooshed her chest and was probably massively uncomfortable to sit in all night, but it will live on forever as one of her sartorial victories.
I could see Sonique or Carmen Carrera wearing it.
Emma Stone looking like a sparkly stalk of celery in her Elie Saab Gown. Khloe Kardashian said it “aged her,” but then I don’t know that we should be taking our Oscar clues from Khloe Kardashian. I loved it. Only a red head could pull off that color, don’t you think?
The RDR Queen who would could wear that: DEFINITELY Miss Fame.
Margot Robbie wears a black Saint Laurent Gown, which was slinky and chic as all get-out, but it’s the Van Clef and Arpels necklace that makes this look so swoony. It’s a throwback to glamour gods of the ’30s – Myrna Loy, Constance Bennett, Kay Francis. Also, can we squeal about that LIP? So on point.
The RDR queen who could pull this off? Raja, of course, our high fashion diva.
J-Lo getting her princess vibe on in her old standby, Elie Saab.
And no doubt about it: It’s pretty Phi Phi O’Hara, isn’t it?
Shirley Maclaine. Shirley, Shirley, Shirley. I love that she just grabbed one of her old sequin Halston pantsuits from the ’70s out of her closet, because really WHY NOT? She’s Shirley Maclaine. These young buck designers don’t know or care enough to shower her with freebies, and she’s not going to go and buy something off the rack when she’s got a closet full of stage costumes that will do perfectly well. So sensible.
The queen who could pull this off? Let’s be honest. Me.
Lady Gaga. What a triumph for Gaga. She really needed last night, didn’t she? She nailed the performance, and the Azzedine Alaia outfit she wore on the red carpet was Gaga enough without veering into Bjork/swan territory. The sleeves were fashion forward, the gloves were controversial enough to get her #trending, and the tightly pulled back hair was very Patti Lupone-as-Evita.
And it’s all very MILK, isn’t it?
That nutty futuristic shroud the CitizenFour woman wore. Did you clock that collar? Like something Gargamel would wear. Like an astronaut’s neckbrace. And those fetish gloves. And the gloves UNDER the gloves? What was going on? Who IS this woman? Where has she been all my life? It was as avante as fashion gets at the Oscars. Let’s face it: Anytime someone wears an ACTUAL WIZARD ROBE to the Oscars, it’s a win for all of us, frankly. Laura Poitras (that’s her name) is my new fashion GOD.
And who would wear this? Chad? Raven? I can’t quite put my finger on it. Thoughts?
Photos: Pacific Coast News
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