September 7, 1949– Gloria Gaynor:
“People always want to ask me about my drug problem – I never had a drug problem; I had a self-esteem problem!”
I only have a single song by Gloria Gaynor in my collection, but what a major song it is. I Will Survive gets a spot in my Top 10 All Time Favorites. It just hits me on a visceral level & it has since I was a tender 24 years old. I have several cover versions from such dispiriting artists as Johnny Mathis & Cake, but the original is the best & it just cuts like a knife:
At first I was afraid I was petrified
Kept thinking
I could never live without you by my side
But then I spent so many nights
Thinking how you did me wrong
& I grew strong
I learned how to get along
& so you’re back from outer space
I just walked in to find you here
With that sad look upon your face
I should have changed that stupid lock
I should have made you leave your key
If I’d have known for just one second
You’d back to bother me
Go on now, go walk out the door
Just turn around now
You’re not welcome anymore
Weren’t you the one who tried to
Hurt me with goodbye
Did I crumble?
Did you think I’d lay down & die?
Oh no. I will survive
As long as I know how to love I know I’ll stay alive
I’ve got all my life to live
I’ve got all my love to give & I’ll survive
I will survive
It took all the strength I had not to fall apart
Kept trying hard to mend the pieces of my broken heart,
I spent oh so many nights
Just feeling sorry for myself
I used to cry
But now I hold my head up high
& you see me, somebody new
I’m not that chained up little person still in love with you,
& so you feel like dropping in
& just expect me to be free,
Now I’m saving all my loving
For someone who’s loving me
Go on now…
Perren/Fekaris 1975
How many times in the late 1970s did I dance at some disco, with some guy shoving a little brown bottle under my nose, while this tune was playing? How many times in the past 3 decades have I gone to bed angry at The Husband with that tune spinning in my head? It even, eerily, played on shuffle on my iPod while I was hooked up to 5 IVs at the hospital when I was doing battle with that damn cancer.
In the 1980s, with Disco on the way, Gaynor did the only thing a smart Diva could do, she traveled around playing in cabarets, consoling herself for the drop in status with bunches of money. She had more than one hit. There was Never Can Say Goodbye & I Am What I Am, but her signature song is always I Will Survive, ironically recorded while recovering from major surgery just after her mother had died.
“I was standing there in that back brace & thinking of those 2 things while I was singing that song. It enabled me to sing with conviction.”
She claims that she knew it was a hit the first time she heard it. Gaynor won a Grammy for the record in 1980.
In the 1970s, Gaynor would go out to the gay clubs, drink champagne & smoke something, but then she found Jesus.
Gay people love her, but does she love the gays? Gaynor:
“I had a backlash from gay fans for a tiny period. They didn’t understand where I was coming from. Now they recognize that my beliefs are my beliefs & that I have no opinions separate from the Bible. There are areas that we agree to disagree on. It’s as simple as that. I don’t have a problem with them having their beliefs, because my feeling is that God gives each & every one of us the right to not even believe in him. So who am I to try to take that away from somebody? I will always try to share my faith with any person who is willing to listen. When I feel a wall go up, we can talk about something else … & I will pray for you.”
Here is how I hold I Will Survive in my consciousness & my heart: the Disco Era with its new style of music, fashion, hair, platform shoes, mirror balls, it really was a sin against God & good taste. But I Will Survive is still dramatic, with a great hook, a great beat, & it makes me want to dance. It also has an almost mystical power to bring back a feeling from the past, & capture my imagination. Transcendent melodrama, is that a genre? Even when I am hearing the song for the thousandth time, I hear it as if for the first time in my life.
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